When Violet was about five days old, my husband said to me, “I think it’s time for my sperms to retire. Is there a way for me to retire my sperms without having to get a vasectomy?”
At the time, I was in a big ball of newborn baby bliss. It had also been five whole days since I’d given birth and apparently, I’d already started to forget the horror of the experience. I was all, “whatchu mean we are done having babies? Look at this delicious baby! We must do this again!”
I kind of chalked up what he was thinking to the newborn experience – my husband doesn’t really know what to do with tiny babies. After Henry was born, he’d said that he didn’t want any more kids and then changed his mind. I figured that probably the same thing would happen this time – once she started to be fun, he’d decide that he wanted another kid.
(Also! On his match.com profile he said he wanted three kids. Three! Don’t even go telling me you can’t hold a guy to the number of kids he says he wants on his online dating profile.)
So, anyway. I resigned myself to the idea that we might not have any more kids (again), but still kept the idea that we might in my mind. When Violet grew out of her exersaucer and cute baby clothes that I loved, I put them away instead of giving them away. But then I started back up on my master’s degree (in addition to working full-time) and realized that shit, dude, I just do not have time for another bundle of joy right now. I decided that I couldn’t handle another baby until summer 2015, when I’ll be done with school, and decided we could reassess then. If we did decide to go forward, waiting that long might be problematic, given that my RPL history and the fact that I’ll be 38, but eh. I just can’t do it any earlier.
(My RPL condition – I have an immature endometrium, yo – does not lend itself to “just seeing what happens,” as any pregnancy not supported by progesterone is likely doomed in my womb. So it would have to be a conscious decision to have another kid, to trying.)
And now Violet is the same age that Henry was when we conceived her. I cannot even imagine getting pregnant again right now. I think I might be changing my mind, I think I might be done. Just like my husband is, really, if I’m being honest with myself.
We’ll see what happens. I seriously doubt my husband’s going to sign himself up for a vasectomy any time soon. But I think we’re probably done.