Thoughts on a Third

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He brought his piggy bank to Starbucks so he could pay for my coffee.

When Violet was about five days old, my husband said to me, “I think it’s time for my sperms to retire. Is there a way for me to retire my sperms without having to get a vasectomy?”

At the time, I was in a big ball of newborn baby bliss. It had also been five whole days since I’d given birth and apparently, I’d already started to forget the horror of the experience. I was all, “whatchu mean we are done having babies? Look at this delicious baby! We must do this again!”

I kind of chalked up what he was thinking to the newborn experience – my husband doesn’t really know what to do with tiny babies. After Henry was born, he’d said that he didn’t want any more kids and then changed his mind. I figured that probably the same thing would happen this time – once she started to be fun, he’d decide that he wanted another kid.

(Also! On his match.com profile he said he wanted three kids. Three! Don’t even go telling me you can’t hold a guy to the number of kids he says he wants on his online dating profile.)

So, anyway. I resigned myself to the idea that we might not have any more kids (again), but still kept the idea that we might in my mind. When Violet grew out of her exersaucer and cute baby clothes that I loved, I put them away instead of giving them away. But then I started back up on my master’s degree  (in addition to working full-time) and realized that shit, dude, I just do not have time for another bundle of joy right now. I decided that I couldn’t handle another baby until summer 2015, when I’ll be done with school, and decided we could reassess then. If we did decide to go forward, waiting that long might be problematic, given that my RPL history and the fact that I’ll be 38, but eh. I just can’t do it any earlier.

(My RPL condition – I have an immature endometrium, yo – does not lend itself to “just seeing what happens,” as any pregnancy not supported by progesterone is likely doomed in my womb. So it would have to be a conscious decision to have another kid, to trying.)

And now Violet is the same age that Henry was when we conceived her. I cannot even imagine getting pregnant again right now. I think I might be changing my mind, I think I might be done. Just like my husband is, really, if I’m being honest with myself.

We’ll see what happens. I seriously doubt my husband’s going to sign himself up for a vasectomy any time soon. But I think we’re probably done.

4 responses »

  1. I have been thinking about this a lot lately too. A lot. Thanks for talking about it. I know it’s not an easy thing to think about, or talk about. I think we are too…and yet, there is a tiny little niggle. In more rational moments, I think it is just wistfulness – memories and being sad that part of our lives is done.

    Now then… let’s hear more about this Master’s business. I did not know that!

  2. I’m crossing everything that this FET sticks, because if it doesn’t I think we might be about done too. I don’t know if I can be bothered or afford another FET. I know for sure I am not doing another IVF. And I’m quite ok with just having Monkey. I want a second so he can have a sibling, but I kind of think if we can’t manage with all this intervention then maybe it is not meant to be. And I’m not entirely sorry about that. I will be sad if Monkey has to be an only child, but these things happen…

    What do you mean your blog isn’t all about me?

  3. Thanks for posting your thoughts. We’re going through much the same thing with the question of “will there be two?” It’s useful to read other people’s reflections.

  4. I have a similar post floating around in my head. I always said I wanted 3, and a part of me still does, but I think 2 may be it for us. It’s kind of unreal to be in the position of having to make this kind of decision when we thought for so long that we might wind up with 0 kiddos.

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